Words of Wisdom from a 4-Year-Old Genius
The following page is dedicated to the hilarious things that My Little Grouchy Pants says on an ongoing basis. His insight on life and words of wisdom make my day and leave me in stitches. I love the way he sees the world, and his take how everything should operate. I'm convinced that he may take over the world someday. :)
**NEW Nov. 15th, 2011**
Grouch- singing along to the radio- "Cause you're amaziiiiiiiing, just the way you aaaare!.......Mommy, that's a song about you." When I didn't quite understand Grouch's statement, I asked him to repeat himself. "Mommy, I already tell you that hundred times!" and gets this exasperated look on his face. I came outside to find both boys covered in dirt and leaves. "Why do you always get soooo dirty, guys?" I said, rhetorically. I didn't expect an answer, but Grouch must always have the last word, "Mommy, we always get dirty cause we are just closer to the ground than you." True, son. And you are too smart. Grouch thinks I should know the secrets to the universe this morning....."Why did God make a lot of space and only put stars up there? What makes people float in space? Is there an ocean on the moon? Why can some people not see? Why do I have white hair? If you go to work everyday, why don't you get money everyday? How come there aren't superheroes in real life? Why can I say 'but' but not 'butt'? Why do grown-ups want to sleep so much?......" Oh, honey...Mommy doesn't have the answers til after 8 a.m. Car Ride Conversations with Grouchy Pants-- Grouch: Someday I'm going to space. I'm going to go visit some other planets. Find out what is up there. Me: Cool. Are you going to visit Saturn? Grouch: Ugh, no Mom. There's no air on Saturn so I would die. (rolls his eyes like I should know better.) Me: Well....I didn't know that. What do u know about the other planets? Do you know anything about Mars? Grouch: Yes. I know something very important. I don't know why....... but Mars Needs Moms. Upon having a conversation with a friend about soda, my 4-year-old decided to inject his two-cents in. "My mommy doesn't drink and drive. She only drinks at the stop signs". I quickly informed my friend that I was only drinking soda.**************************************************************************************
Last weekend as we were out doing errands, Grouch proclaimed "Mom, I'm almost all grown up now so I should be able to drive". I replied "Well, honey, you need to be able to see over the dash board AND reach the pedals at the same time". He thought for a minute and replied, "I've got a great idea! I'll just have brother work the pedals!" Grouchy Pants was drinking juice when he got the hiccups. "Please don’t give me this juice again," he said, "It makes my teeth cough."
I always like to lay with the boys for a few minutes while they fall asleep. The other night, as I was trying to quietly creep out, Grouch reached up and grabbed my hand and told me not to go. "It's time for Mommy to go lay down in bed with Daddy now." He sighed really big and let me go and whispered, "Fiiiine. But he's a big boy now. He should learn to sleep without you there." Ha!
"Mommy, did you smell my toot just a second ago?" I reply no. "Oh good. Cause it smelt like baby poop and sprite, I think." Super news.
"I want to hange out with the friends that make good choices and not bad choices, Mommy. But those ones are sometimes very boring."
"Can my time-out be in the living room so that I can watch Diego? Cause that would still be punishment cause I don't even like Diego." Good try, son, good try.
"Hey Mommy, know what I learned at class today? Don't ever sneeze when you're eating crackers! You should ask Miss Janice why."
I was preparing pancakes for breakfast and as usual, the boys were fighting over who would get their pancankes first. It was Sunday, so I decided to use this opportunity as a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'" Mr. Grouch thought about this a moment and then replied, "Ok, Micah, you be Jesus." (We have a lot to learn.)
"Know what Mom? Bella (little girl in Grouch's class) doesn't like it when I take my shoes off. I don't think it's because my feet are stinky, though. She says that she won't hug me anymore if I don't keep my shoes on because she has a BIG scared problem with feet and they make her sick. She should have her Daddy take her to the doctor to see what's wrong with her."
Here's a video of Mr. Grouchy Pants at his finest :)
Morning Wisdom from a 4-year-old: "If I do know where it is, I remember; If I don't know where it is, I don't remember, that's how it works mom".
As I'm wiping crumbs off Grouch's face, he says, "What are you doing, Mom?!" I reply that I'm getting all the "crap" off his face. (I know, parents, poor choice of words....) He ponders this as I finish cleaning him up and throw the napkin in the trash. "Sooo," he starts, "When you say 'Daddy is full of crap', you really mean he has crumbs on his face?"
Parenting Fail #145One morning, dressed as Superman, Grouch says to me, "I have to do a giant poop. I think my booty has superpowers." Not sure if the two statements were related, but I'm hoping not. . .
Last weekend as we were out doing errands, Grouch proclaimed "Mom, I'm almost all grown up now so I should be able to drive". I replied "Well, honey, you need to be able to see over the dash board AND reach the pedals at the same time". He thought for a minute and replied, "I've got a great idea! I'll just have brother work the pedals!" Grouchy Pants was drinking juice when he got the hiccups. "Please don’t give me this juice again," he said, "It makes my teeth cough." I always like to lay with the boys for a few minutes while they fall asleep. The other night, as I was trying to quietly creep out, Grouch reached up and grabbed my hand and told me not to go. "It's time for Mommy to go lay down in bed with Daddy now." He sighed really big and let me go and whispered, "Fiiiine. But he's a big boy now. He should learn to sleep without you there." Ha!
"No matter what.....it is never, ever, ever, EVER okay to pee on somebody else.". -Advice to Live By.
As I'm unlatching my rascal from the car seat he tells me, "Mommy, thank you for all my school supplies." Aww. "You're very welcome, babe." Then he continues, completely serious, "Can you buy me a parachute too?" Giggling, I reply, "A parachute? What do you need a parachute for?"
Grouch : "You know... So I can jump off really high things."
Watching a quick cartoon with the boys before bedtime and Grouch poses a very good question. "Dora should have her mommy or daddy scare away Swiper, right?" I mean, if I were a toddler and was being stalked by a fox, I'm pretty sure I would tell MY Mom. Dora.....she's not a bright girl.
I always get a good laugh when my four year old starts a sentence with, "I remember a long time ago when I was little...." LOL.
Car Ride Conversations are the Best--
Grouch: Mommy, I want you to pick someone, some girl, who I'm going to marry.....
Me: (a little confused) Oh, okay. When the time comes, and you're a grown-up, I will help you pick the right girl.
Grouch: But I think you should pick her NOW. While I'm still a kid, you'll have time to teach her how to make good eggs, and to tuck me in, and how to smell like you. Cause my girl needs to smell like my Mommy and I will love her forever.
(Oh, my heart!)
This is what my four-year-old told my husband during bedtime: "Daddy, I love you. The love I have for you lives in my heart.... And when we hug, the love goes from my heart into your heart.....and then my heart makes more love for you."
In response to his disobedient attitude, I told Grouchy Pants that if he did not stop playing with his food, then I was going to have to give him a spanking. He replied, "Ok, but then if you keep getting food all over the stove when you're cooking, then Daddy is going to spank YOU." Touche kid, touche.
As I am standing at the sink brushing my teeth this morning, and Grouch is using his potty chair at my feet, I hear these words: "Mommy, I love you. I promise to rub your cheeks when you are old and wrinkly." These boys are God's sweetest gift to me.
"Bouncing just makes you feel good. It makes you not mad any more when you jump up over and over again. And when you feel like you're flying for a little minute, it makes you happy that you're here. You should bounce more, mom. I promise it's good for you." --Words of Wisdom from Mr. Grouchy Pants
"I don't eat anything that has strings on it. If it looks like it could be dirty. . .it's not for me." --Grouch was referring to bananas.